August 18, 2015

Grief and Fulfillment: PART B

August 18, 2015
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Once upon a time there was a little girl who dreamed of getting married and starting a family.  She smiled and blushed at the thought of meeting her Knight and Shining Armor and kept a record of all the names she wanted to give her babies.  It was a wonderful dream.  And one day it came true!  But soon the mother of five became exhausted, couldn't think straight, couldn't sleep, and suddenly forgot her very own name.  There was no time to be a wife and go on dates with her husband.  She could barely keep her eyes open to watch her darling children play.  Her hair started to turn gray and was messy and sticky.  Dark circles caved her eyes.  The poor woman was lost and desperate.  

The destined bride at the age of 5 on Halloween
Just four weeks after the twins were born the lady became delusional.  She forgot where she was going upon setting out to run errands.  She would go to the grocery store not remembering why she came.  The world seemed to be spinning out of control but she was standing still, unable to move.  She couldn't make sense of the simplest of thoughts, actions, demands, requests, instructions, or tasks.  Motherhood. It had completely eaten her alive like a ravaged boar.  

Like a hand coming out of the grave to scare a movie audience, the lady reached out.  She needed help.  She needed support, encouragement and assurance.  The weary mother put the word out as if a beloved dog went missing.  Not before long, while she was sifting through a rack of clothes at a consignment shop (she refused to pay full price for new clothing until she was back at her pre-pregnancy weight....which never happened), her phone rang.  On the other end of the telly was a young and vibrant college girl offering her life, I mean help.  The young, naive, but brave girl accepted the mission.  In just a few days all seemed right with the world.  There was hope.  The woman crawled out of her hole and navigated the map of motherhood. She spread her wings and flew with her co-pilot by her side.  
The End. 
(insert sunset here)

Bethanie.  Her name is Bethanie.  Or "Befamie". Or "B", as we like to call her.  She showed up wearing an invisible cape with an invisible wand.  She came armored with patience, peace, and kindness.  Picture Nanny McPhee but beautiful.  She showed up and I ran.  I ran out the door with my husband and Mason.  We were dashing off to the zoo for a "Special Day With Mom and Dad" (AKA: we feel guilty that our kids don't get us one on one so we spoil the ever livin' daylights out of them with us, time and candy). Off to the zoo.  It was freedom with the exception that we had one kid in tow.  It was magical.  It was glorious.  It was like nothing I had ever experienced as a mother.  All fears aside, everyone was alive when we returned, the house hadn't burned down and the BEST thing of all is that she agreed to come back!    She came back for more!

More moments. B fit right in with our river rat family
More trouble.  We even managed to sink our jeep together
More laughter.  She loves them they love her
It seemed that B became part of our family over night.  After all, she had seen it all.  Exploding diapers, projectile spit-up, tantrums spewing from a three and five year old, a spousal spat, family drama, and me naked in the shower as she handed me my baby covered in diarrhea.  Yeah,  she saw it all.  By this time I had lost all sense of modesty and worried more that she was covered in a bio-hazard substance over seeing me in my birthday suit.  She became part of our family and we became part of hers.  If not by blood than by affection, nicknames, sleepovers and celebrations, we were family.  

B traveled all the way to Bolivia with me so I could be there for my God Son's baptism.  This is a whole other story for another time and a few good cervezas.  Lets just say we were both lucky to make it back.  Alive. 
She's one heck of a gal.  B took Henry to a Monster Truck show!
B provided me with mental support during Susie Grace's one and only year of dance.  
From Halloween to birthday parties, shots at the pediatrician's office to Family Vacation Travel Officer of Support,  serving as Family Christmas Card Picture Children Briber/Mother of Family Christmas Card Picture Children Voice of Reason to the Queen of Nanny 911, B was there and not a moment went by that I wasn't thankful. 
B.  She was there.  Like really there.  There in a way that was more than showing up to referee my tribe, take some cash and leave.  B fell in love with our family and we fell in love with her.  She would come over for dinner, never miss a birthday party or celebration, and went above and beyond even after she clocked out.  Talk about a serious relationship in the fast lane.  We were hooked and knew it was meant to B.  Get it?  Ha ha!  

After taking my children to the zoo by myself and having one too many potential "caught on camera" incidents, I vowed never to leave my house with ALL my children without B.  
Meant to be.  So many things that we have experienced are #meanttobe.  Like the time B and her boyfriend broke up and I schemed a plan to get them back together because I believed it was destiny.  Okay, so maybe I invited her to her favorite concert under one condition...that she bring the ex.  She fell for it and cupid checked one off his list in a matter of days.  Mitch and B.  Eventually, he got on one knee and popped the question!  She said yes.  Obviously. 
First comes love
I took to the wedding planning as if my best friend AND sister were getting married.  And you know what?  Apparently, you can never be too old and haggard to be a bridesmaid.  I slathered on the wrinkle cream, bought a girdle, dyed my grays, logged a jog on the treadmill and was honored to walk down the aisle to the beat of the sweetest ceremony I've ever witnessed.  Our whole family played a role.  It was magical.

Then comes marriage
Today, B still has our family wrapped around her finger.  We hardly do anything without her.  Well, sort of.  Along with getting married she got a real job and moved to Egypt a house too far away for daily visits.  But distance is the only thing that has changed.  Our kids adore her and we adore her and her man.  They are our "Framily".  I look back on the last seven years and there is hardly a memory that she isn't a part of.  We have a treasure chest of "rememberies".  

Big Dog and I like to go to concerts with B and her man.  It's like we are 20 something but we aren't.  Oh well.  They keep us young and we try to keep them wise and we have fun doing it.  
It's hard to know how or where to end this.  I guess it's because there isn't any ending.  Our families have grown and experienced life and there is so much more.  Like a lot more.  Like double the trouble more.  As in dos mas.  You see, I believe in the divine plan, destiny, things written in the stars, the impossible possible, and endless #meanttobe moments.  For example,  that one time B called to tell me she was having....
Then comes babies in the double stroller/car seats/bouncers/high chairs/cribs.
 I know!!!!  The possibility of this happening is cray!  She had been prepared in the most realistic way possible.  I've seen the way this couple loves on others.  It's unconditional without limits.  I mean if she could handle ME and my tribe she's got this double trouble thing down.  And come on, her man signed up knowing that B comes with a package containing a family of seven that holds her high.  Her man.  He loves my kids almost as much as she does.  

The proof is in the picture.
Yeah.  They will do just fine with two at a time.

So there you have it.  The Story of B.  She's pretty legendary.  Just ask my kids!

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